This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
