hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
