as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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