Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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