before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
