is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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