So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
