Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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