jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
