ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
