I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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