dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
