I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
