never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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