I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
