If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
