I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
