I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
