Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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