whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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