its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
