R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
