Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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