Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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