Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
