There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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