I'm lost and stupid without you.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize