You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
