guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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