Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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