I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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