its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
