i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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