well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
