I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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