I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
