i just wanna soil my oats bro
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
