i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize