I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Found the puke drawer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
