Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're like the curious george of whores
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
