I think my vagina is haunted
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
