I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
