He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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