and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
