Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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