and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
