She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
