I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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