Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize