I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She announced her abortion via fbk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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