I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
