I'm gonna have a badass scar
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
