New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
