I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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