y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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