I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
