Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
MIDGETS
????
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
