I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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