god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
