Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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