It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
