Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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