i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
