There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
