You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
