You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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