You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Less talking, more tequila
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
