If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
