Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
