You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
