what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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