mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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