I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
